Why I Can’t Give Up My Hobby
You know when you are aware of something looming in the background but instead of face it head on you try to ignore it for as long as possible? I often do this with my bank account. When the mental math suggests things are getting a little tight, I will completely avoid logging into my online banking for as long as possible. I know close monitoring is what I should be doing in these situations, but instead I just let it linger and hover over me until I have no choice but to balance the books.
This is what I’ve been doing with my blog. I haven’t written a post in about three months. The sidetracking started with the normal holiday chaos that leaves little time for anything else. Shortly after New Year’s, I got sick and whatever was plaguing me lingered for six weeks before I finally broke down and got antibiotics from the doctor. Once I was finally feeling like myself again, Blake and I got some incredible, life-changing news. A few home pregnancy tests confirmed that I was pregnant. (Technically we haven’t made a public announcement, so please keep the happy news to yourself. Winky face.) We spent the next few weeks in a brief yet happy state of shock, and we put a plan of action together to get ourselves ready for baby.
Through all of this, my poor neglected blog simmered somewhere in the back of my mind. Although, I wasn’t purposefully ignoring my writing. After a month of silence, my blog followed me around like a dark little rain cloud, like the ones in those animated antidepressant commercials. The longer I avoided it, the harder it became to break that silence. Everything that was going on just made for a convenient excuse.
Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I thought about how my writing hobby would no longer be a luxury that I could afford. After all, we have so much to do before the baby comes to keep me busy now, and it won’t be long before I’m a busy working mom. So, while I occupied myself with making doctor appointments and reading baby books, I continued to neglect my blog. But if I had such a valid reason to give it all up, why was it following me around, refusing to just let me be?
I think part of the reason I’ve been avoiding it for so long is because I was stuck comparing myself to those very successful bloggers, you know, the ones who pay the rent with their blogs. I guess I felt that if I was going to do it, it had to be all or nothing, that I had to do it big, just like those career bloggers. I know how much time goes into blogging like those ladies, how much effort it takes to get those pretty little perfect pictures. As a soon-to-be full time working mom, I felt that level of blogging was out of reach. In other words, why do it if I can’t live up to the standards of the pros?
You might have guessed from this new post that I’ve since changed my mind. As much as I would love to get to that point where my blog is my full time job, I’m finding that I’m actually okay with the fact that it most likely never will be. I’m not trying to be negative, just realistic. And I’ve also realized that I rather have this outlet for my writing when it’s convenient for me (in between 8 hour shifts and diaper changes, if need be), than not at all. I think that is why no matter how tired, busy, or distracted I felt, I never stopped thinking about my blog. It’s something I can continue to do just for myself and that is something every mom needs to stay sane.
If you are losing your leisure, look out! It may be you are losing your soul.